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Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las night with dirty rice an' it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it
for a Satsuma.
Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got was 2 scrawny pigeon. Anyway, I
mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darned Turducken birds. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird
one to my dog, Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez four, what you call "calling
bird" wuz so noisy you could hear dem all da' way to Lafayette. I used they necks for
my crab traps, and fed the rest of dem to the gators.
You finally sent something useful. I liked dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da' pawn
shop in Sulphur and got enough money to fix the shaft on my shrimp boat, and to buy a
round for da boys at the Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!
Couchon! Back to da birds, you big dumb turkey! Poor egg sucking Phideaux is scared to
death ah dem six goose. He try to eat they eggs and they pecked the heck out ah his snout.
Dem goose are dang good at eating cockroach around da' house, though. I may stuff one ah
dem goose with erster dressing to serve him on Christmas Day.
I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. Ole Boudreaux, da mailman, is ready to
kill you, too. The poop from all dem bird is stinkin up his mailboat. He afraid someone
will slip on dat stuff and gonna sue him. I let dem seven swan loose to swim on da bayou
and some stupid duck hunter from Mississippi done blasted dem out da water. Talk to you
Poor ole Boudreaux had to make 3 trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids-a-milking
& der cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da
boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me. I told dem to get to work gutting fish and
sweeping my shack--but dey say it wasn't in their contract. They probably tink they too
good to skin all dem nutria I caught las night.
What you trying to do? Boudreaux had to borrow da Cameron Ferry to carry these jumping
twits you call lords-a-leaping across da bayou. As soon as dey got here dey wanted a tea
break and crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well la di da. You get Chicory
coffee or nuthin." Mon Dieux, Emile, what I'm gonna feed all these bozos? They
too snooty for fried nutria, and da cow ate up all my turnip green.
You got to be out of you mind. If da mailman don't kill you, I will. Today he deliver 10
half nekkid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said they be "ladies dancing" but
they doan act like ladies in front of dem Limey sailing boys. Dey almost left after one of
them got bit by a water moccasin over by my out- house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed
toute le monde (everybody) and get toilet paper rolls. The Sears catalog wasn't good
enough for dem hoity toity lords. Talk at you tomorrow.
Where Y'at? Cherio and pip pip. You 11 Pipers Piping arrived today from the House of
Blues, second lining as dey got off da boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jumbalaya,
finished da whiskey, and we're having a fais-do-do. Da' new mailman drank a bottle of Jack
Daniel, and he's having a good old time dancing with the floozies. Da' old mailman done
jump off the Moss Bluff Bridge yesterday, screaming you name. If you happen to get a
mysterious-looking, ticking package in da mail, don't open it.
Me I'm sorry to tell you--but I am not your true love anymore. After the fais-do-do, I
talked all da night with Jacque, the head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and
gentlemen's club on the bayou. The floozies--pardon me--ladies dancing can make $20 un
hour for dancin', and the lords can be the waiters and valet park da boats. Since da'
maids have no more cows to milk, I trained dem to set my crab traps, watch my trotlines,
and run my shrimping business. We'll probably gross a million dollars next year.
Joyeaux Noel et Bonne Annee!
Thanks to Douglas D. Anderson at http://www.hymnsandcarolsofchristmas.com/
Now if this wierd Cajun Christmas carol has got you hungry for Cajun food, just click the
links below to explore....
Andouille (and more)
Crawfish (and more)
And Everything Else!